Because nowadays all we have is AIDS, crack and techno.

A horrible horrible hardcore/metalcore webzine.

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It's 2018 and you still use Twitter and listen to hardcore LOL

Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire & Nesseria [split]


Terrible terrible first fucking band. The music of "Clinging to the trees of a fire" is almost as terrible as as the name would suggest. Really? You're clinging on to the trees of a forest fire for safety you fucking faggots? Personally I would just call the fire department and not make such a huge rukus about it (i.e. starting a band to warn people of the danger of forest fires). Either way, have fun being barbecued you unfortunate faggots. I can only imagine what your music videos would be like. Giving them a listen, I would say they play some seriously fast and chaotic brutal metallic metal/grind or whatever the fuck you want to classify it. I don't give a crap. It sounds like my bowel movement after eating Indian food. On their Facebook description they call themselves "TOTAL. FUCKING. DISSONANT.ANTI.LIFE.FUNERAL GRIND." That's great you pretentious idiots. Put the periods behind every word to emphasize the pause and heaviness of each word. I can just imagine when you try to get your music signed, and the look on the record manager's face when you reply to "what genre of music do you guys play?" Most people would say "oh, we're a rock and roll band ... we're a metal band ... we're a hardcore band..." But nope, not you guys... make sure you tell him you play "TOTAL. FUCKING. DISSONANT.ANTI.LIFE.FUNERAL GRIND." Okay fine, but you still sound like crap. And looking at the pictures of these band members, they look like fucking mammoths that can only be harpooned in the ocean. I wonder how they can all fit onto the stage at the same time with their instruments given that they're so fat. I mean how can a local band play small time shows if they cannot be accommodated in a local bar? It's a pity really. I'm not gonna pay a stadium ticket just to see them up from Level 25. With that being said, they should take some certified fire safety courses. Like that "stop, drop, and roll" bullshit. Yeah they got rolls alright ahahah now it's just the matter of the other two. Maybe stop playing music and drop your instruments and roll yourself in whipped cream and donuts. Whoopty doo. This is American funeral doom for ya, and it's as trendy as ever. Oh, and Nesseria sounds okay. Best part of the split. But the degree to which I give a fuck is still slim to none.

4 comments:

  1. You sir, are a faggot!

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  2. Haha, how do you even call this a review? Sounds like the words of a butthurt 13yo

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  3. Fag you are a cocky sucker.

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  4. Wow! The band you are shitting on just posted a link to this "review". They seem to have a good sense of humor about it too. I don't share that sense of humor. CTTTOF are an awesome band. And you, sir, are a fucktard. Your blog sucks and so do you. Go fuck yourself.

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